I'm bad at this...estimating when my next book will be done

I've been playing video games for years...a lot of years.  I'm not an amazing gamer, I certainly don't have those twitchy reflexes of a 20-year-old, but I'm good enough at some games that I don't get overly frustrated with them.  To me, gaming has always been a social thing.  I put on the headset, grab a drink and a cigar, and spend the evening shooting friends and talking trash.  That little beat-down, whether it is mine or theirs, always makes my week better.

I'm an FPS (first-person shooter) gamer, and my favorites have typically been in the Unreal family, whether Unreal Tournament, or even games built on the Unreal Engine.  I'll play a good game well beyond its expected shelf-life, but the time eventually comes that the guys and I need something new.  So I'm always excited when Epic Games announces a new version of UT - and it always kills me when they release after the deadline.

It seems to be a common thing to do with video games.  Announce it, announce a release date, and then release the game late.  Ahhhhh!!!! Drives! Me! So! Crazy!  Or even worse, a game developer releases a

game 'on time' and the game is full of bugs.  Several patches later, it runs like it should - which is basically the same as releasing the game late.  I’ve never understood this.  I thought it was bad business, even though I still bought the games.  It frustrated me to no end, even though I'd play the games until there was nothing left of my computer but a few smoking chips.  At the time, I just couldn't imagine doing this.

Then I began working on my second fantasy novel, which I'm calling Angst 2 for now.  I was sure it'd be done by the end of the year.  While it's possible that the rough draft will be done by the end of the year, the book won't be ready for release.  How did this happen!!!???  I did the same thing that Epic has done in the past, and I should have known better.  Though I've never given an exact release date, I completely underestimated when I will wrap up Angst 2.

Since there isn't a great way to patch books like they do video games, I'm going to have to stick to my traditional editorial process that worked so well for book one.  As I finish writing chapters, I feed them to the Alpha Team.  When the book is done I compile their feedback, make changes, and give the entire book to my Beta team.  After the Beta team finishes in 2-4 weeks, I take their notes and do a thorough review of the entire book.  I add to, take away, disassemble, and work to clarify anything that needs attention.  After that, I hand it all back over to my lovely wife and editor for one final review.  I make most of the changes she recommends (I do reserve the right to cheat...er,  make use of poetic license), convert the book to kindle, epub, and print, make the cover, and then tweet that it's ready. And tweet some more.

With all of this in mind, it's nearly impossible to come up with an exact date when the book will be done.  After some late releases, a lot of gaming companies have been reluctant to set game release dates and merely say they will be released when they are ready.  I should have followed this path.  I really pushed to complete Angst 2 within a year of the first book, but this one is going to be a little...meatier than the first.  While Angst (1) could easily stand on its own, Angst 2 is going to be a part of something bigger.  It's exciting, and it's going to be a fun Angsty ride – I can't wait to share!!!  Angst 2 may take longer than I had projected, but it will be worth the wait.  As for when, I guess I have to when it's ready, hopefully soon.

Everything happens for a reason (very small spoiler for Angst 2)

Far be it from me to seek out the 'wife look' that Angie shares with Angst's wife Heather (and I'm sure many other women).  I find it easier on everyone involved if I completely duck the swing of that sword, dodge that bullet, or try to completely avoid that trap.  Unfortunately this isn't always possible.

In spite of my warnings, Angie was pretty upset after editing a chapter in which Angst gets a surprise kiss from someone that isn't Heather.  Angry enough that it took her awhile to shake off, and only at the end of the day did I receive a brief, "I got over it."  I look at this in two different ways.  First of all, as a loving husband I have no desire to purposefully hurt my wife's feelings.  I realize that she associates many of the characters with people in my life, with good reason, and a stolen kiss would be pretty upsetting in real life.  The second way I look at this is, I'm doing it right.

With Angie, my alpha readers, and my beta readers, I often look for a different reaction than what they would expect.  I've learned from watching movies that everything should happen for a reason.  In film, there is finite time to work with - it's rare you will watch a scene that doesn't mean something.  I try to do the same, which isn't always easy.  Whether it is subtle foreshadowing, a play on words that hints at the ending, or a seed planted for future books, almost all scenes should be relevant.  It's tough balancing a fun story that doesn't take itself too seriously, while at the same time allows character development, an interesting plot, but not too wordy.

So, when Angie tells me that Angst getting that kiss is over the top and she finds it upsetting, I can't help but say to myself 'nailed it!'  When I get notes from the alpha or beta team telling me that a scene brought about frustration, or even "I didn't get that until later", I have to admit I feel pretty good.  I don't feel my story should always be presented cleanly.  It should make sense, but it shouldn't always fit together perfectly.  Life is a mess that tends to come together, eventually, somehow.  I feel the same way about my books.

So, to my lovely wife and editor, my sincere apologies for the kiss that really wasn't, and thank you for the great response.

The best series have an ending

As I’ve been working on Angst 2, I’ve been thinking about endings.  I have always thought that the best stories have an arc – one that was conceptualized before the first word was written.  While it doesn’t always work that way for every story, the ones I’ve enjoyed most carry the reader, or viewer, along a known path, giving out little tidbits that in the end wrap up nicely into a satisfying package.

I don’t think it was really a surprise to anyone how the Harry Potter series was going to end.  The genius wasn’t the finish, it was getting there.  We all know the bad guy is going to die, and the good guy is going to win.  Anything else would be a tough read, or hard to watch, and unfulfilling.  The genius of Harry Potter isn’t only the amazing world that JK Rowling built, the depth of character, the descriptive prose, or the imagination she shared with us.  There was also genius when it was announced that the series would be seven books long.

I’ve been a Star Trek fan all my life, but I think it’s always been a weak point that the original 5 year mission never ended.  We’ve gotten some great stories out of Trek, but rarely have we gotten closure.  I would have to say that The Next Generation episode “All Good Things...” would be the closest Trek has provided to closure of an episodical series.  (Without really closing it.)

Having no ending in mind can go bad.  I loved the first season of Heroes.  The second season Generations was fun, but hurt badly by the writers’ strike.  In the end, the series drug out with no end in sight, until I couldn’t stand watching it anymore.  I don’t think I was alone.  Comic books, which Heroes basically was, are notorious for this.  There are some amazing story arcs by great writers and artists, but eventually good titles peter out to become disappointing because in spite of the amazing build up there is no closure.

Angst was a dream that I spent years pondering and not writing.  I’m glad I finally did.  In spite of a few small cliffhangers, Angst can stand on its own.  There doesn’t have to be a sequel.  But, I love the characters.  I love what the world could grow into.  Angst 1 I really wrote out of necessity, Angst 2 (I know the title by the way.  Neener.)  I’m writing for fun.

It would be easy to make Angst 2 another episode, wait for everyone to tell me they love or hate it, and then maybe write another Angst episode.  I think that’s a mistake.  It’s both irresponsible entertainment, and could even be construed as bad writing.  I can’t write a never-ending string of Angst books.  I’d get burned out, everyone reading them would get sick of them, and I have other ideas that I want to explore.

I’ve given this a lot of thought.  Angst 2 isn’t going to be the end, but I promise I do have an end in mind.  If you like the world I’m creating, then I believe you’ll like what I’m planning.  There is going to be an end, I know what it is, and it’s going to be amazing.

Living Angst

We’ve been watching Star Trek with the kids, every episode.  We made it through the original series, the remastered blu-ray edition, and they enjoyed it.  Now we are watching Enterprise, which is better than I had remembered.  Tonight’s episode, A Night in Sickbay, Captain Archer’s pet beagle was deathly ill, he was sexually frustrated, and the Enterprise was falling apart.  I could relate to Archer’s frustration - I live this episode.

At one point he was climbing shelves and knocking over medical containers in a fruitless attempt to capture a bat in sick bay.  Every time T’Pol, played by the attractive Jolene Blalock, would approach him, he could only stutter Freudian slips.  The end result was facing humiliation by wearing some ridiculous garb and having his hair braided while performing a ceremony in apology for something he didn’t realize he had done wrong.  I think he apologized to pretty much everyone in this episode.

While Archer isn’t my favorite Starfleet captain, I experience this episode on so many levels, my wife kept looking over at me with a pitiful “I’m sorry” painted all over her beautiful face.  How many things can go so wrong in one day, in one week, in one life, before you start questioning whether or not you are even doing it right?

This is not a “woe is me” blog post.  I’m not looking for anyone’s pity, and don’t want to seem ungracious for the great support I’ve received.  I’ve got an amazing wife, great kids, a place to live, food to eat, friends to go to…all of the important stuff is more than covered.  But wow, does it seem to be a battle most days.  Between the job and the bills and the struggle of marriage and the balance of friends and marriage and family, and the total complete unmet potential of what I can be…it’s not easy.

I’m a true believer that nobody’s life is easy.  Nobody has enough money, or love, or friends, or whatever it is you strive for.  There are moments, great moments that we experience which supersede all and remind us that it’s worth the effort.  But everything else is life.

So for those days that are filled with broken toilet handles, jammed printers, sad songs at the wrong moment, text messages that friends don’t reply to, tailgating jerks, misunderstandings due to absolutely nobody’s fault, and writer’s block, I say fuck you.  I’m not giving up, but you better deal with my moments of frustration and ANGST as I fret through the little things and big things alike because I refuse to give in to the crap that’s handed to me day in and day out.