Do You Have Angst?: Underinspired and Getting Through It

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Underinspired and Getting Through It

I’ve been underinspired over the last month, and if you read my last blog post you’ll understand why. After that weekend, I haven’t felt like doing much. (Someone please come mow my lawn.) My son was in town for a few weeks, visiting before college started up, and the timing of his visit couldn’t have be better. I’ve a great need these days to tell friends and family how much I love them. His visit was the perfect excuse to hide, at first, but it became more than that.

My kids (though, at 21 and 18 they aren’t really kids) are busy. My son is starting his senior year of college and prepping for Law School. My daughter began her senior year of High School and is making plans for college. They have jobs, friends, clubs and are always on the go. It’s hard to be a lump on the couch when you’re caught up in that tornado. I’m not really good at being a lump anyway.

I’ve been walking in the mornings, not because I want to, but because I know I should. I’ve been putting in the hours at the day job, keeping ‘busy’ enough to avoid most things social. My house needs painting (like over the last 10 years) so I’m doing something about that. I’ve even been writing; some nights I’ve produced a surprising amount of words. They don’t go together very well, it’s nothing my beta team or editor will see (in this form, anyway.) But I’m writing.

I’ve been doing all this stuff without the excitement or passion that normally drives me. The passion for life that I see right now in my kids. I typically run, I don’t walk. I never avoid social. My writing is usually filled with brand new words I create, hacked together turns of phrase that sometimes work, and very thorough descriptions of beautiful women. These days I’m throwing up a lot of dialog because, for whatever reason, it comes easy. I’m not hitting my goals. I’m not particularly proud of myself. I’m to the moon and back from being inspired. But I’m doing it, and I feel like it’s slowly getting better. (Though, not always the writing.)

Today I went into hiding for another reason - for me. I took a David day to clean out the cobwebs. I did some book stuff (like marketing) that I’ve been avoiding. I’m writing this blog post, and next I’m going to work on book four. I’m going to plan out what I’m writing over the next week, and then I’m actually going to write. The baby steps over the last month have finally built up to something, even if that something took it’s sweet time.

It doesn’t take a death or a tragedy to trigger underinspired. Personally, I find there are plenty of things that can get me down, many that probably shouldn’t. I believe the most important thing you can do is keep going, even if you aren’t doing, whatever it is you want to do, very well. The easiest thing in the world to do is to not walk, to not show up, to not write. Yeah, walking really isn’t running, but it’s so much better than lying on the couch. (I keep telling myself that.) A little progress is better than none, so I’ll keep writing poorly until it gets better. And when I do get inspired, I’ll review those words and make them shine. Eventually. So go out there and do and, eventually, you’ll get back to where you should be.

I need to add a quick note about my last blog post and share about someone who is doing. My friend, who lost her daughter to suicide a month ago, has been speaking out about it on her blog. A great example was a recent post about the ripple effect of suicide and how many lives it touches. I couldn’t be more grateful for the post. It helped me relate to the distance and numbness I was wading through. I’ve never lost anyone that I’ve been close to, and as far as I’m concerned I never really need to grieve again. It was only a glimpse of what my friend and her family are going through. I can understand how easy it would be for her to give up, but instead she is speaking out about suicide and how she is affected by it. The posts aren’t an easy read, but I encourage you to visit her blog and share her message Thank you.


  1. Thank you this was beautifully written and thanks for sharing my story

    1. You're welcome, Allie. Thinking of you guys always.