You Never Know Unless You Try

Many see New Years as a reset button.  The start of every year is an excuse to shed the past and start anew.  This belief is so prevalent that people make resolutions committing themselves to their goals.  Losing weight, writing books, finishing college, getting better jobs, and setting goals for better dreams.

My parents always taught me that, no matter what, you have to try.  Trying isn't easy, it’s not comfortable.  You have to want something enough to step outside your personal comfort bubble.  You have to come to terms that you will fail.  Your body may not be able to handle an Iron Man triathlon no matter how much you train.  You may ask the cute girl (or boy) to hang out only to be told no over and over again.  You may write something, sculpt something, compose something, or paint something so awful that burning it still won’t remove that mess from your memory.  But if you don’t try, will it ever happen?

I believe in trying.  I've been called short, slow, chubby, old and balding (jerks), and lots of other things.  But in spite of labels, guess what has happened?  I ran two marathons.  I've climbed 3 mountains over 14,000 feet tall.  I've written a novel, almost two!  I've been married for 20 years!  I have two amazing kids who try, and succeed.  I have some of the most incredible and loyal friends in the world.  How?  Because I tried.

I've never been a fast runner, but I always keep going.  I’m far from the healthiest guy in the world, but I set a goal and climbed those mountains.  I can tell a good story, but my writing is atrocious and takes a team of people, and I call on them all the time.  My marriage can be a roller coaster  but I don’t give up.  I've known my oldest friend for 34 years, and we still talk every week.  My youngest friend is 23, and I look forward to that day when we've known each other 34 years and can say the same thing about her (I’ll be 75, yikes!)  Why?  Because I tried.  I put effort into everything important to me.

I get asked all the time, how did I write a novel?  Nobody wants to hear the simple truth that I sat down and just wrote it.  Sure, I had to outline, and rewrite, and take breaks, and re-commit myself to finishing what I set out to do over and over again.  I had to take time away from my life, my family, my friends, my other goals.  Everything you choose to do requires sacrifice.  But I did it, and in the end I wrote something that people have been kind enough to read – some of them even like it.

I don’t do New Year’s resolutions because I live my dreams.  Not the lottery dreams of fake fortune and temporary flash.  I’m talking about those goals that become a part of your life.  As my High School Marching Band director used to say, “Ask the cute girl to the dance.”  Make new friends by asking.  Set almost-realistic goals and live them.  Lose that weight and enjoy being healthy.  Climb that mountain.  Write that book.  Fail, a lot.  We learn by failing.  Find a way to buy your house.  Earn that million dollars if that’s what makes you feel successful.  It’s all possible, but only if you try!

I believe in trying, because if you don’t try, it will never happen.

Oops, I may have accidentally written two books…

So…I may have written two books by accident.  Funny story, really.  I was about 120,000 words into the sequel with the realization that to fit everything I want into Buried in Angst I would need to add at least another 60,000 words!  (In perspective, Angst is roughly 125,000 words.)  That's not unheard of.  Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire is 175,000ish, so it could work.  The problem is that the story felt squished, like I was trying to fit in too much.  I had promised myself more character development, and more details about events from Angst that readers had asked about - and those things were getting set aside for more story story story.

I was speaking with a friend who made the obvious suggestion that maybe these were actually two different books.  It took awhile for that to sink in because I was so locked into how the 2nd book ends that I just couldn't see past that to split the book in half.  After sitting on this idea for several weeks, it finally hit me that she was right.

I've been so determined to make Angst 2 better and bigger and more than the first, that I lost sight of some things that are important to me about my writing.  It's my goal to make my novels fun, compelling with a few twists and surprises, while keeping the story an easy read.  Trying to throw in too much was taking away from this.

This means (!!!!!!) that I'm almost done with the rough draft for book 2.  I'm in the process of reworking a few things, but after some brainstorming I'm happier than ever with how the book is going to wrap up.  (I gave my wife a hint of the ending, and it literally gave her goosebumps.  Mwa ha ha.)  I'm also excited to share that I'm also about 1/3rd done with book 3 already!  Pretty sure this is the best oops I've made since my son (just kidding).

Since this revelation I've been sharing chapters with my alpha team almost every week, and the feedback has been all positive!  Over the next two months I'll be announcing the completion of each milestone, alpha, beta, edits, and release date.  Unless I am slapped upside the head by another epiphany (please no) Buried in Angst will be 64 chapters (of awesome fun).  The alpha team has all chapters through 45, and of the 19 remaining only 5 need to be written.  If the universe doesn't hate me too much the rough draft will be done before the end of the year.

Once I flesh things out per their suggestions I'll then share with the beta team.  The beta team gets a full manuscript, and often has a different perspective than the alpha team.  I'll make further changes based on their recommendations before a final edit and release.  While that seems like a lot, Angst 2 is now closer than ever!

Cookies don’t give me Angst!

ConX was a fun convention.  It was a reminder that attending conventions isn't just about book sales.  I had the pleasure of meeting several people who review books - and recently got an awesome review by @CapeRust on geek-life - be sure to check it out here

I also got two great surprises!  The first was Angst cookies!  This was one of the coolest ideas ever from my good friend Allie.  Not only does she rock the chain mail bikini at shows, but she had custom Angst cookies made in celebration of my second official appearance!  The cookies were clever and awesome and tasty!  If you live in the area be sure to check out the company Allie coordinated with to make the cookies - https://www.facebook.com/icingsbyang

The other cool surprise was Cristi in costume!  Another secret plan from Allie to have my good friend Cristi and her boyfriend show up.  It was great to see them both, but unbeknownst to me Allie had a costume waiting for Cristi - so she could help promote Angst too.

Gorgeous women in costume and delicious cookies!  I would call that a successful show!

Finally, as always we got to meet a lot of great people at ConX - be sure to check out the pictures of people posing with The Princess!

Adapting to change

I just now finished a month long project to help promote my fantasy novel Angst at an upcoming Science Fiction and Fantasy convention - ConX.  My good friend Allie had the idea of making pop tab / chainmail bracelets for a gift bag the convention is giving out.  The idea was excellent, especially since it ties in with the costume she wears at the shows.  There was no knowing how long it would take.

Each bracelet took a minimum of 10 minutes to make, and the con required at least 200 bracelets.  In addition I tied an Angst bookmark to each.  If you add in the time washing the pop tabs, clipping off or bending pointy ends, and sorting out the bad ones - this project took about 40 hours.  I'm more than a little grateful my wife and daughter helped as much as they could stand: if it weren't for them I wouldn't have time to write this post.

The time spent on projects like these makes me question my sanity…well, maybe it's not that bad, but I do question the value of a time sink like this one.  I loved writing Angst.  It was like working out - I didn't always look forward to it, but I always felt good about it when I was done.  While I can't say I enjoyed spending 40 hours making bracelets, I do believe it will make for a fun con.  But, it really makes me question how I spend my time and what I get out of it.

When I wrote Angst, I was mostly driven by ego.  I was frustrated with most aspects of my life and I needed to accomplish something.  I self-published because I wanted the instant gratification brought from actually completing a novel.  That was almost 2 years ago, and life changes a lot.  My family has changed - my daughter started High School and my son is 1,200 miles away at college now.  Relationships change.  The world continues to change.  With all of this and more I find that my ego has changed too.  When I started writing the sequel to Angst, I wrote simply to fill the void.  Writing itself can be fulfilling - I always feel great after I've hammered out a few pages, especially if I like them.  But it has been uninspired, and while I enjoy what I've written it hasn't been the same as writing Angst.

Now that the dust of summer has settled and my time is once again becoming my own, I've begun to reassess.  I've been looking at all of the ways I have spent my time doing over the last several years.  Some have been fulfilling while others make me smack my forehead and say "what in the world was I thinking", which means change.  It's hard to spend less time and focus, or even walk away from those things you've spent a lot of time on, whether it be relationships, jobs, passions, hobbies… each of these things has a personal value to you that only you can measure.  But if you don't adapt to the changes around you, you will never achieve your goals.

There are some things in my life I need to spend less time doing, but writing isn't one of them.  As much as I loved writing Angst, I feel that maybe I wrote it for the wrong reasons and because of this the results were different than I expected.  My original drive to "climb a mountain because it is there" has passed, my frustrations with life have calmed, and they haven't made Angst a movie yet so the path to riches and fame seems a bit longer ;) .

Maybe there is a little bit of ego left pushing me forward, but now it's more than that.  I'm driven by a desire to see the story told (and it's going to be a hell of a story) but more importantly I'm inspired by everyone who has read Angst and enjoys it.  Whether it is a tweet thanking me for writing Angst, a review on Amazon saying the book made them laugh out loud, or a blog post where I can really tell the reader understood what I was trying to say…  It's fulfilling in a way I hadn't expected and I'm quickly coming to realize what truly drives me to write.